Thursday 23 Feb
This morning dawned bright and sunny but Neil and my moods were far from reflecting that. I could hear what I always tell the children, “You can’t let your situation determine your mood,” swirling around in my mind but yet the reality of not knowing where we would be staying next week was weighing so heavily upon me. My stomach ached and I could feel myself slipping into the panic mode I had lived in and needed to choose to fight off so many times in the past 2 years. At least I can now recognise it but try as I may I could just not fight it. How I miss the sweet fellowship at North Hills Church at home. Someone to go visit and to call and pray with you. We were sinking… All I could say was that I felt like I was on Survivor and was waiting to be voted off and sent home.
It’s not often that I get into such a bad place within my mind but when I do I feel like there is simply no way out or forward. I had begun asking on gumtree and searching Facebook and property sites in all earnestness, we began to talk about Neil maybe needing to get a job while we are here so we can pay for rent….. we were doing, making a plan every minute. Yet deep down I knew none of this would work. I knew it was all wrong but I had to do something. I had to make a plan I had to save us from not having a place to stay!
Then Living Hope called to move our meeting to Monday. So now the questions rage…. Should we be going to Living Hope? Does God want us to work into another area? We have committed to a time of serving how does that look and where will it happen?
After breakfast we called the children together to pray. Such simple prayers they offered. Simply asking God to show us the way forward and where we will stay. Everyone prayed right from Riley and Maisy we all offered up our prayers and requests.
After which they all offer up words of encouragement and what was on their hearts.
Nate shared the words from a song that said: “The mysteries of our God revealed” They are revealed but we don’t know when that will happen… now or a second before when we need them.
Kadin said he kept thinking of the scripture: John 17 – where Jesus is praying for all the believers to be unified. The exact scripture God had given us the week before.
And Lily read Ephesians 3: 14 -21 – A Prayer for the Ephesians: “14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every familyin heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
All these words so encouraged for us all! It is so amazing having your children on team with you.
The whole time I kept thinking of the name of a friend of ours that we had not seen in the last few years. I know she’s had a tough time so I had only wanted to have fun when we saw her and not burden her by asking if she knew of anywhere we could stay but I kept feeling to contact her…..
So after our prayers I sent out a quick WhatsApp to her to say we were in town and hoped to connect sometime but we didn’t know if or where we’ll be next week.
We then managed to do some school work and Neil met some work deadlines before setting out to explore Simons Town and Boulders beach. On the way we stopped at estate agents and 2 other places to see if we could find accommodation. All fruitless efforts. I was still feeling an absolute melting down panic boiling within my mind and yet somehow since we had prayed my soul was at rest. I am finding so strange how in the last while I find myself often walking in these two different realms at the same time. Maybe someday I’ll learn to trust the kingdom realm to let go and just rest in what I know – deep within my soul – is right and peaceful.
Whilst playing at Boulders beach I checked my phone and there was a message from my friend saying she has two rooms for us to come and stay in. I’m not sure why we are to stay there or how it will work as it is far from Living Hope but God has clearly directed us to her door so it’s with excitement and anticipation that we will enter into the next part of our adventure.
What a better way to end off a miraculous day than to spend the evening with old friends catching up on the past 7 years whilst watching our kids reconnect and watching today close over the sea and mountains below. What an awesome, faithful God we serve!